friendly advice

A few weeks ago, I sat down to write about how to make new friends as an adult--especially during the transition from making friends in class, at club meetings, or down the hall to living in a new city (and, for me, while not having a job). Alas, when I started writing it, I couldn't find words that felt genuine enough. Then I stumbled upon this video.

My first reaction was to laugh-cry at the genuine boldness that children possess. My second reaction was to wonder when we learn to abandon such an incredible concept. That second reaction is a thought that I ponder regularly; it connects to many other when-did-we-unlearn-this thoughts I have regarding our social education. Alas, that's a story for another time.

The second reaction crosses my mind most often when I share what I do to make friends because most reactions are awe or laughter (or both). I've even had people sit in silence before uttering something about how uncomfortable it sounds. What is it that I do?

Walk up to someone and say, "Hi, I'm ____. I'm new here, do you mind if I join you?"

Before anyone starts spewing the stranger-danger speech, I know. I know that blindly trusting a stranger to be kind and respectful might feel difficult. However, I also know that feeling stems from an illegitimate fear instilled in us by people who push Us versus Them. Personally, I feel that a life lived in fear isn't a life lived at all. Embracing that sentiment not only allows for more adventures and stories to share but also new relationships to form--all of which improve our well-being and mental health.

Keep that in mind the next time you take the chance and go somewhere alone. First of all, good for you. You don't need other people to be whole, and wholeness always fulfills more than happiness. Second of all, the other people there already have at least one thing in common with you: they have an interest in the place/event/etcetera--just like you. Lastly, the worst that can happen is someone says no. There is no loss there, but there is confidence gained in taking chances for improvements.

Who knows? Maybe you'll find new friends who meet up weekly and introduce you to others, and suddenly you'll start to feel like you belong somewhere. Pursue that (even when it sounds scary) because it's more than worth it, and you are too.