no news is not great news
At the end of 2019, I created a 2020 Vision Board. It was the first I've made since early high school, which is somehow starting to feel like forever ago -- because it was. I separated this one into focus areas, all in line with my core values & purpose. One goal is to post here at least twice a month. A quick glance will tell you that I haven't. I posted once in January.
And that's because I spent the entire month waiting for something: for a job, for access to therapy, for Great News. I didn't want to write about how terrible everything was over and over because I truly want to focus on positivity as much as possible. But that's just not how life works sometimes.
I am now at 51 days without a full-time job, even longer without health insurance (and therefore no access to therapy, psychiatry, or chiropractic care. My mental and physical health is truly unwell). Yes, I started a part-time position at a Starbucks kiosk in a grocery store. I've donated plasma as often as they'll let me. I've babysat. And when I wasn't doing those things, I was applying to jobs, interviewing for jobs, crying over the jobs I received denials through lengthy "You are so great / We see so much potential / You've done incredible work so far in your young career" emails.
That's all still happening. I don't have much else to say. I'm doing what I can, and I will continue to do so except in the moments that I can't. I am actively respecting when I need to break down and cry, when I need to nap for a few hours because I haven't slept much at night, when I need to workout even though my schedule is not allowing for much time at crossfit.
Because even when I don't feel like pushing forward, I can't let myself give up. Quitting is not an option. The only success is in trying. That is what I will do.
And that's because I spent the entire month waiting for something: for a job, for access to therapy, for Great News. I didn't want to write about how terrible everything was over and over because I truly want to focus on positivity as much as possible. But that's just not how life works sometimes.
I am now at 51 days without a full-time job, even longer without health insurance (and therefore no access to therapy, psychiatry, or chiropractic care. My mental and physical health is truly unwell). Yes, I started a part-time position at a Starbucks kiosk in a grocery store. I've donated plasma as often as they'll let me. I've babysat. And when I wasn't doing those things, I was applying to jobs, interviewing for jobs, crying over the jobs I received denials through lengthy "You are so great / We see so much potential / You've done incredible work so far in your young career" emails.
That's all still happening. I don't have much else to say. I'm doing what I can, and I will continue to do so except in the moments that I can't. I am actively respecting when I need to break down and cry, when I need to nap for a few hours because I haven't slept much at night, when I need to workout even though my schedule is not allowing for much time at crossfit.
Because even when I don't feel like pushing forward, I can't let myself give up. Quitting is not an option. The only success is in trying. That is what I will do.
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